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4. What Is Transference? And How Does It Differ from Projection?

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4. What Is Transference? And How Does It Differ from Projection?

The second major area of interpersonal dynamics is the area of transference.

Transference and projections are different. I want to explain in this article: What is transference? How is transference different from projection?

What Is Transference?

Transference takes place where we transfer old object relations—a wonderful term from psychology and psychoanalysis, will explain in a moment what exactly that means—and relationship dynamics, that is, relationship strategies, onto new people.

The Picture

In this picture: I have certain inner images, object relations—these are quasi inner objects of people—and how I feel and behave toward them.

And when I meet new people, I transfer them and quasi say:

  • "You are like my father"
  • "I feel toward you like toward my father"
  • "And I behave toward you like toward my father"

That's quasi what we do with transference.

The Principle: Saving Energy

And the principle behind it is actually quite simple, because it's the principle: To save energy.

Where I can simply do and use old strategies again—things I've already done frequently in the past—as if you were like that, I save a super lot of energy.

Because I don't have to figure out:

  • Who are you?
  • And how do I best behave toward you?

All of that is included in this object relation.

What Are Object Relations?

So: An object relation—simply put—basically goes back to saying:

The Development

As children, we don't yet come into the world with psychological or psychic objects.

That means: We have no conception of:

  • What is the world like?
  • What is my mother like?
  • What is my father like?
  • What am I like?

Instead, we first come into the world without such conceptions—which I think you can see very nicely when you engage with children.

Inner Objects Emerge

Over time, however, we begin to develop such inner objects—that is, consistent images—of:

  • Who is my mother?
  • Who is my father?

We quasi learn: "Who is this?"

And learn:

  • "With her I usually feel like this"
  • "With her I behave like this"
  • "And it's best when I behave like this"
  • And so on and so forth

Behaviors and Strategies

That means: With these inner objects always go behaviors and strategies.

The same applies to:

  • My father
  • My grandmother
  • My grandfather
  • My sister
  • Whoever

The Self-Object

Because through this exchange and through the fact that more and more fixed objects develop, I also begin to develop a self-image—an inner psychic self-object—of "Who am I?"

This Is Normal

It's totally normal that we all have very many of these different objects and associated behaviors, behavior patterns—and then transfer them to save energy.

Examples of Transference

Example 1: The Partnership

The trainer is exactly that—that's a transference.

A typical example could be, for instance:

"I love my wife, but she never gives me what I want. I always have to beg for it."

And so on and so forth.

The Discovery

And if you then explore that—especially this "but" and all that—"These are problems I have with my wife"—then you perhaps find out:

"These are the same problems I always had with my mother"—or my father, or whoever.

And you could almost determine:

"I behave toward my wife as I also behaved toward my mother. I'm actually still in the same object relation. I simply transferred it to my wife."

I perhaps simply kept using this schema to a certain degree—and that's quasi the transference that took place there.

Example 2: Therapist and Client

The same of course also happens between therapists and clients.

And the basic question can at least be to a level: It's very likely that some transference is taking place.

The Question

The question is rather:

  • Is it a "not so good" one?
  • A "You're maybe even bad" one?
  • One, "I like you"?
  • Or what kind of something?

That means: Which inner object am I also transferring onto my therapist? And what are the behaviors that result from that? And are they helpful or not?

The Consequences

Because very often it can be that we're stuck in childlike behavior and similar things:

  • Both in our love relationships
  • But also in our therapeutic relationships

And recognizing them and also finding a way out of them can be very, very, very helpful to achieve therapeutic results.

Countertransference

But when we deal with the topic of transference, a second point is still very important to understand:

Transferences very rarely stand alone; rather, with a transference usually also goes at least frequently a countertransference.

What Is Countertransference?

Transference: I transfer an old image of someone, an inner object onto my counterpart.

And what I invite with that is the countertransference.

The Definition

Countertransference can be understood as: My counterpart says: "Okay, I accept the role you're transferring to me. I accept how you behave toward me, and I behave according to this transference."

The Energetic Offer

A very sensible image I find for this is to understand that a transference is always also an energetic offer.

That means: With the transference go feelings, dynamics, behaviors, etc.

How This Works

And on an energetic level, that's like:

"I open a certain channel through which we can interact, and I quasi invite you to come into contact with me through this channel."

Because this is a channel very familiar to me, I make it quasi extremely easy for you to act accordingly.

Because all you have to do is: Accept this offer I'm making you.

And you don't even have to consciously understand the offer, because there's usually a very natural response.

Why This Is Dangerous

That's what makes transference and countertransferences so dangerous for us as therapists.

Because often certain things that we simply experience as impulse, as intuition can actually be exactly what the countertransference is—that is, the response in us, which however perhaps doesn't help the client at all.

Example: Countertransference in Partnership

An example of countertransference we could, for example, still look for here:

"I love my wife, but she never gives me what I want. I always have to beg for it, please..."

I actually make myself small, I make myself like a stubborn, unfulfilled child.

The Natural Reaction

And I thereby invite my wife to correspond exactly to that:

"Yes, you never ask for what you want! If you would just once tell me what exactly you want, then I would do it too. Now stop complaining—you're like a little child!"

It's exactly the dynamic—the natural energetic response to my contact offer, to my transference—which is perhaps exactly what I don't want.

The Vicious Circle

But actually that's what I actually—yes—already expect in my transference.

I expect exactly that—here in this picture perhaps represented as: "I expect my wife to be mean, not give me what I want."

And my behaviors are quasi built precisely from that.

And even if I hope—of course it's not like that—I actually invite her to behave exactly accordingly.

In the Therapeutic Relationship

The same happens in my experience at least all the time also between therapists and clients.

That clients naturally make the transference offers to us all the time and thereby also the relationship offers that they know.

The Natural Reaction

And we then, according to this energetic principle, very often feel the response that corresponds to that, quite naturally in us.

That at certain points we simply become irritated: "Now you're telling me exactly this problem again!"

And that these impulses are there and very often feel to us like intuition—simply like the natural way to behave here.

The Problem

Which however on one hand—yes—are perhaps even actually the most normal way to behave toward these people. Are even the ones that this person has already experienced again and again and again.

Which however very often are precisely not or don't represent what really helps someone forward.

The Logic

Because: If this countertransference reaction would help someone forward, then it would very likely have already happened in their life.

Because I at least calculate: When I feel a countertransference in me—and recognizing it isn't so easy...

How Do I Recognize Countertransference?

I often experience it when in certain situations I have reactions that I don't know from myself like this and that confuse me.

So for example:

Example 1: Impatience

Where at certain points I become impatient where I'm normally not impatient.

Example 2: Exaggerated Love

But also where at certain points I become exaggeratedly loving.

Because this transference and countertransference could also be: Being very sweet and nice to me—and the natural countertransference is: "Yes, of course, no problem!"

And that—but that's not what helps the person.

Instead, the person—what would perhaps help the person is: "Yes, I can understand that it's difficult—and what can you also change in your life?"

The Signals

That means: Where I have certain reactions that I don't know from myself like this or that are surprising at this point.

And whenever that happens, that's where I at least become alert in myself and look:

  • "Where is this coming from in me right now?"
  • "Is this an authentic impulse in me?"
  • "Or is this more a response—an energetic response—a countertransference to what's happening right now?"

We Also Transfer

And also here: I've now spoken more in this example about: "A client transfers perhaps something onto us, and we have a countertransference impulse."

I believe because that's what we as therapists should have the most awareness for.

Our Own Transference Offer

But we also transfer—yes—our relationships.

For example, to say: "I must help everyone, and every person must feel better after being with me."

With that I naturally also transfer—the natural response is either to say, or that our clients put a lot of pressure on themselves—simply because it's the natural response to our transference offer.

Difference: Transference vs. Projection

That means: Transferences—also briefly summarized—are old object relations, old inner images transferred onto new people, including the contact offer.

The Difference

And thereby it's different from a projection, where it's really the projecting of inner unconscious material—which however doesn't contain this contact offer and especially not this "I have a whole behavioral cosmos".

Instead, more of a: "This is how the world is, this is how you are."

Summary

With a projection can also come a transference—but the big difference is this behavioral offer.

That's what we can also clearly distinguish in ourselves with both.

Sources