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11. The Six F's: Working with Protectors in IFS Therapy

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11. The Six F's: Working with Protectors in IFS Therapy

This article explores the main steps that the IFS approach uses when working with protectors—a process commonly known as the Six F's.

Overview of the IFS Approach

The IFS approach can be separated into two different phases:

  1. Working with protectors: Commonly known as the Six F's (at least in the IFS Institute/Richard Schwartz terminology; Jay Earley has his own terminology)
  2. Working with witnessing and unburdening exiles: Different steps we can use when working with exiles

These can be looked at as two separate phases of the work. This article focuses on the first phase: working with protectors through the Six F's.

The Six F's: An Alliterative Framework

The Six F's—another alliteration in IFS—stands for the six steps when working with protectors:

  1. Finding
  2. Focusing
  3. Fleshing out
  4. Feeling towards
  5. Befriending
  6. Fears

These six steps can be loosely separated into two phases:

Phase One: Finding, Focusing, and Fleshing out Phase Two: Feeling towards, Befriending, and Fears

A Running Example: Introduction

To illustrate how these steps work in practice, we'll follow a simplified session with a woman, roughly 40 years old, who's having relationship struggles. She comes to the session because things are going wrong in her relationship. As she talks about what's going on, the thing she keeps repeating is: "I get so angry."

Her problem is that in situations that don't seem that big, she gets incredibly angry, and she wants to figure out what's going on and how she can change that behavior.

Step 1: Find

The first step of the Six F's is finding. This step involves moving from somebody's problems—a client's or patient's problems—toward exploring parts.

What Finding Entails

Often in this first step, when we're working with somebody and we're still trying to find parts and identify the ones that are active with a certain problem, it involves:

Introducing parts language: For some people coming to therapy, coaching, or a session, they don't know what parts are—it's nothing they've ever heard about. It's important to introduce the concept, the language, just to see if that's something they can relate to, something they're willing to explore.

Identifying parts: When they're talking about problems, when they're talking about challenges, how can we identify maybe different parts that are involved in this specific challenge, in this specific problem that somebody has?

A note: Especially as people become more equipped in identifying and connecting with their own parts, many clients will often start to come with parts they want to explore. Even though in the beginning of a journey with somebody it's often problems, this step is really about finding parts connected to the problem.

Turning Experience into Parts

One way to look at this step is to turn experience into parts. As somebody is exploring, explaining, or talking about a problem they have, they will be experiencing certain things. There will be certain thoughts going along with that, there will be feelings, there will be maybe movements.

One very helpful way to think of this finding step is to relate to those thoughts, to those feelings, to those elements as if they're coming from a part. We relate to that and then move toward identifying a part with that—turning experience into parts.

Example: Finding the Angry Part

As our client talks about getting so angry, actually in the session that anger comes up—it's active in her. Step one of the process in finding parts is to figure out: Is it okay if we relate to that anger as a part? Is it okay for her that we explore that as a part?

In this example, she's okay with exploring the anger as an angry part.

If the client is going along with that and can identify a part, relate to that as a part, we move to step number two.

Step 2: Focus

This is the step of focusing on the part we just identified, or turning our awareness toward that part.

What Focusing Involves

Oftentimes this step can include going inside and exploring more. It can mean taking a moment to stay with the experience—the thoughts, the feelings that go along with that. To name whatever it is that we're exploring there. It's just about having the awareness, the attention inside with the part, and really turning toward that.

Example: Focusing on the Angry Part

Continuing the example, we identified the angry part. In step two, it's about focusing on that part and staying with it.

As she stays with the part, she describes it as "it is raging." She describes how the part is yelling and it's really intense because this part seems to be so angry that it's raging in her.

While we explore that, asking her "What could you call that part?" the name she comes up with is "Hothead." This is the Hothead part—it's the part that is just explosive, and when it comes up there's rage, it is raging, there is all of that anger.

Step 3: Flesh Out

When we've found a part, focused on it, and learned a little bit more about it and have a way to return to the part, the next step is to do even more of that—which is called the fleshing out part of learning about a part. What is it thinking? What is its role?

What Fleshing Out Involves

With a little bit more words, it's exploring the part and learning about the part: What is that part like? What does it say? What does it want? What does it feel? And what are you aware of? What are you noticing as you stay with the part?

It's really about fleshing out the experience and all the information we have about the part—which might be some of it the part telling us stuff, some of it might be what we're feeling in our body, we might see visuals. All of this is information of how we can flesh out this part and learn about it.

Example: Fleshing Out the Hothead

Continuing the example: She's found the angry part. As she stayed with it, focused on it, she found a name for it—the Hothead—and the Hothead was raging.

As we moved further into fleshing out the part, learning more about it, exploring it, what came up when she asked the part "Is there anything it wants her to know?" is that the part really wants me to be heard.

As she expressed that, it was like there was an energy rising in her—an energy that was not just anger but actually like a force. So the part is raging, it's a Hothead, it can explode, but it also wants her to be heard, to be seen, and that seems to be really important for this part.

Important Note: Pacing Varies

These were the first three steps of the Six F's process: finding a part, focusing on it, fleshing it out. What's really important to know is that this can be incredibly quick. Sometimes this can be three sentences: "What are you coming with? Oh, there's this part. Oh, what does the part want?" It can be very quick.

But it can also take a long time. Sometimes as we're exploring a part, as people are maybe not as used to going inside with their attention, also as we get to really difficult topics, it can be that a lot of other parts come up, that there's a lot of distraction, that all of these things happen—which often have to do with the system seeing "Can it trust the therapist, the coach?" Also parts being worried about the exploration.

All of this is normal. When this goes really quick and in 30 seconds you have a part and you've fleshed it out—great. If it takes a whole session, three sessions to get to know the part—also great. There is no right speed, there is no right tempo for this. It's just about learning about the part, connecting with experience, learning to go inside.

Step 4: Feel Towards

Now we focus on the next phase of the Six F process: feeling towards, befriending, and fears. They come after the first three steps—we don't start just randomly with these, but they basically build on what we've done before.

Checking for Self-Energy and Unblending

The feel towards step is called that because that's usually the question used in this step. What happens here is: we've identified a part, we've learned about it, and now we get to the next phase of exploring with this part, which is checking for Self-energy and unblending if needed.

The classic IFS question asked here is: Once we've learned about the Hothead, once we know what it's doing, what is important to it, we ask: "What do you feel towards the part? What do you feel towards the Hothead right now?"

Here we don't just keep learning more and more about this part. Actually, we check: How are we relating to this part right now? How is it for me—whatever that "me" might be—to be with this right now?

This opens up a whole new dynamic in the IFS process.

Discerning Self from Parts

Basically, what we're doing with that question is we check for the internal relationship. Through however somebody answers this question, we can discern quite well: Are they in Self or connected to their Self? Is there Self-energy, or is there a part right now?

This is very important because especially as we want to build a relationship with the part, as we want to explore it more deeply, we make it so much easier for ourselves and the part the more Self-energy is there. This question really allows us to check that.

Unblending When Needed

If there is a part—meaning for instance answering the question "What do you feel towards that part?" and the answer is "I don't like it, I want to get rid of it"—in this perspective, the Self wouldn't say that. The Self wouldn't want to get rid of the part.

So if there is another part there, or if we are super blended with the part we're exploring, we can unblend from it, meaning consciously create some separation from the part. This can be through asking the part to step aside, this can be through doing a grounding meditation and then returning to the part. All of these can help to create more Self—or not to create Self, but to connect to Self—and to then reconnect with the part, because we have so many more options when Self-energy and Self are present.

Example: Finding Fear and Unblending

Continuing the example: Found the angry part, stayed with it, the name for it was the Hothead, and it wants her to be heard. As we got to the feeling towards step, exploring how is it for her to be with that part, what does she feel towards the part, as soon as that question was asked it was clear: "I am scared it could end and break the relationship."

It was actually visible fear in her that this part could really ruin her relationship.

Mapping this onto Self and part, the guess would be that that's probably a part that is scared. So in this feeling towards step, the question is: "Is it okay to call that—that part that is scared—is it okay to call that experience a part?"

She was okay with also turning that experience, calling that experience a part. To unblend from it, she asked it to give her some space: "Can you ask the part to give you some space or step aside a little bit?"

The part was a little bit reluctant at first, but it did. As it stepped aside, it was like something in her body relaxed, something calmed down. When she was asked again "What do you feel towards the Hothead now?" it was like: "Oh, I'm curious toward it. I'm open and I want to get to know it. I want to understand what makes it so angry, raging, and I really want to understand why it is so important for it that I am heard."

She had access to Self, and with that the session could move forward.

Step 5: Befriend

One of the big steps that can happen when there is the Self and the part is to befriend the part, befriend the protector—which basically means building a relationship between the Self and the part.

How to Befriend

A few steps that are really helpful for this:

Sharing Self-energy: She is curious about the part, she's genuinely open toward the part. One thing to do can be: "Can you share that with the part? Can you show that to the part or tell the part and see what happens then?"

Sometimes even as we share, as we tell it "I'm really curious about you," the part doesn't notice that, it's not aware that there's anybody there. So sometimes to share Self-energy, we have to make the part aware of the Self, which can happen through talking to it, through imagining looking at it or touching it. But basically, this can be the foundation of a relationship.

Example: Befriending the Hothead

Continuing the example: She unblended from the scared part, she was open toward the Hothead. To move on further in the session, the first thing is to befriend the Hothead, and one step for this can be to share Self-energy with it.

Asking her: "Can you share that openness and that curiosity with the part? Can you tell the part that you're open and curious toward it?"

As she did it, the part was kind of confused at first. It was like "Whoa, what? Where's that coming from?" because it's so used to trying to be pushed away, to other parts being angry at it, to other people not liking it.

But once the part could realize "Wow, there's really somebody there that is curious, that's open toward me," the part was really happy somebody's there. That's also the building the relationship—sharing Self-energy and also seeing what is that like for the part, how does the part feel toward her.

With that sense of "Wow, it's so nice that somebody's there," something in the part could relax a little bit, it got a little bit smaller, less intense—which is actually a wonderful base to then explore further.

This is the building the relationship in that session, where she can build a relationship with the Hothead, where the Hothead knows there is the Self, she shares the curiosity and openness with the part, and it's moving on from there.

Step 6: Fears

Once there is a relationship, once the part is aware of the Self and it has relaxed a little bit, we can get to the sixth F: fears.

Why Explore Fears

A lot of times it can be incredibly helpful to explore the fears a part has, what is it worried about, to understand what drives the part so strongly. Parts as protectors are spending so much energy, so much time on their strategies—which they often don't even want to do, but they feel like they have to. There's so much drive behind that, and that often has to do with quite specific fears and worries of what could happen if they stop.

In the sixth step, it's about exploring those fears and basically learning: Why is this part doing this?

The Question

One question that can work a lot of times with this is: "What is the part afraid of? What is the part afraid could happen if it stopped doing this, if it didn't do this?"

One of the things to keep in mind: This often points toward exiles. The fears often have something to do with current situations, but also oftentimes something with the past that is not just recent.

Example: Exploring Hothead's Fears

Continuing the example: As she explored "What is the part worried could happen if it didn't explode, if it didn't get so angry and so loud?" the first answer to that was almost immediate. As soon as she asked "What are you worried could happen?" it was: "You don't get respect."

This answer kind of didn't fully make sense to her. So one of the things you can do—and that happened in this session—is to ask: "And when I don't get respect, when I'm not respected, what are you afraid could happen then?"

The answer to that was: "You could be walked all over." As the part shared that, she got this picture of these huge people walking and trampling on her. She was like "Oh, I can get that, that's not cool."

But again, she still didn't fully get what the part was so worried about. So she asked one more time this question: "And if people were to walk all over you, what is it afraid could happen then?"

When the part shared that, her body and the somatic expression shifted because she shared: "It's worried that I could feel worthless again."

Something got a lot more tender and fragile there. Listening to this: "Oh, this is exactly that thing that could point toward an exile—feel worthless again."

That touched her, and she shared that with the part too (which again is building that relationship, befriending). The part was happy to see it touched her, it reached her—what it's been trying to avoid for so long. But the fear is feeling worthless again.

The Natural Transition

In this session, that was also the step to move beyond exploring the protector and actually moving toward the exile work. With this we get a sense of: "Oh, that's the driver underneath. It's wanting to be heard, it's wanting to not be walked over, but it's also—and maybe most of all—I don't want to feel worthless again." That's what drives the part.

That's why with this exploration of the fears, there's often a natural transition to also working with exiles and exploring exiles, because they are so often involved.

An Important Alternative: Negotiation

Before moving to exile work, there's another incredibly important and powerful element: negotiation.

At this place where there's often a possibility to work more deeply with exiles, there can also be a place to really deeply negotiate with protectors. Because oftentimes, even without changing or healing an exile, we can find new ways of dealing with the same situation that are more helpful to the system.

How Negotiation Works

This can be done through negotiating with protectors about what they would need to act differently and what support they would need from the Self to change things.

This can be a very powerful perspective, especially in coaching when we don't always want to go toward the exiles, the deep pain, but we want to just help people to realign their system. It can really be powerful to negotiate. Also for everyday life, being able to listen to parts, to protectors, but then find different ways of getting the parts what they need can be a game changer.

In negotiation, it's really about: "How can we deal with this situation in a way that satisfies you but in a way that also is different? What does the protector, what does the part need for that?"

Conclusion: The Six F's as a Systematic Approach

Those are the Six F's—the main steps in the IFS approach to work with protectors:

  1. Finding: Identifying parts connected to problems
  2. Focusing: Turning awareness toward the part
  3. Fleshing out: Learning about the part in detail
  4. Feeling towards: Checking for Self-energy and unblending if needed
  5. Befriending: Building a relationship between Self and part
  6. Fears: Exploring what drives the part's protective strategies

These steps provide a systematic way to move from a client's presenting problem to a deep understanding of the protective parts involved and their underlying motivations. The process naturally flows from one step to the next, building trust and relationship, ultimately revealing the exiles that protectors work so hard to shield from awareness.

The Six F's aren't rigid rules but a flexible framework that can move quickly in some sessions and slowly in others, always respecting the system's pace and readiness. They embody the core IFS principles—welcoming all parts, recognizing their intelligence and positive intent, and leading from Self—while providing practical structure for therapeutic work.

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