1. Are You Stuck in the Drama Triangle? Recognize the Three Roles Sabotaging Your Relationships

Last updated on 22 Oct 2025

(This is Part 1 of our 4-part series: From Unconscious Drama to Conscious Design)

How are helper syndrome and victim consciousness connected? And what does all of this have to do with the persecutor?

One possible answer: They are all dynamics of the Drama Triangle.

You’ve probably experienced it: An argument with your partner spirals out of control, even though it started over something trivial like taking out the trash. Or you find yourself increasingly drained in your role as a helper—whether as a therapist, coach, or friend—because nothing ever changes with the other person. These patterns aren’t random. They follow an invisible choreography.

In this first article of our series, we’ll explore that choreography: the Drama Triangle, developed by Stephen Karpman. It’s an incredibly useful model for understanding why certain interactions go wrong again and again. We’ll unpack the three central roles and see—through an everyday example—how easily and unconsciously we switch between them.

The Foundation: It’s About Roles, Not People

To understand the Drama Triangle, it’s essential to grasp that the terms Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer don’t describe entire people. No one is a Victim or a Persecutor by nature. These are interactional roles that any of us can take on in certain moments.

Karpman represents the model as an upside-down triangle. At its base lies the Victim—someone who takes the “one down” position and says, “I’m weaker, less capable, or worse than you.” Two other roles respond from a “one up” position, placing themselves above the Victim: either by blaming or by helping. The most stable and frequent dynamics occur precisely between the Victim and one of these “one up” roles.

Role 1: The Victim – “I Can’t, I Need Help”

When I slip into the Victim role, I feel weak, helpless, and incapable. I’m convinced I can’t manage on my own. Typical inner statements sound like: “I can’t,” “I need help,” or “I can’t do it myself.” In this state, I don’t access my self-agency or strength—I regress into a more childlike, dependent posture.

Because the Victim assumes helplessness, it naturally seeks support from outside—a sense of safety and validation. This validation can take two forms:

A Rescuer who comforts and helps, letting me feel temporarily better.
A Persecutor who reinforces my weakness by saying, “You really can’t do that.” It hurts, but it confirms my self-image.

In both cases, the Victim role attracts its counterparts—Rescuers and Persecutors—as if magnetically.

Role 2: The Rescuer – “I’m Good Because I’m Needed”

The Rescuer is the hero with the red cape. In this role, I tell myself: “I’m good, I’m capable, I can help others.” But beneath that lies the deeper belief: “I’m valuable because I’m needed.” Helping isn’t purely altruistic—it also serves a psychological need. By being indispensable, I feel important and worthy.

As a Rescuer, I place myself slightly above you. After all, if I couldn’t do more than you, you wouldn’t need me. To maintain this role, I need someone to help—I need my Victim. Without Victim, no Rescuer. It’s a stable, mutually dependent dynamic.

Role 3: The Persecutor – “You’re to Blame, You’re Doing It Wrong”

The Persecutor (sometimes translated as “the aggressor”) also takes a “one up” position, but in a different tone than the Rescuer. While the Rescuer says, “I’m helping you,” the Persecutor’s message is: “You’re wrong.”

In this role, I think: “I’m strong. I’m in control. I’m better than you.” The driving energy is accusation: “You’re the one at fault. You’re the problem.” By pointing the finger, I shield myself from vulnerability and reinforce my power position.

Underneath, what the Persecutor truly needs is control and safety. That sense of control is restored when the other person accepts blame and steps into the Victim role: “You’re right—it’s my fault.” That surrender stabilizes the Persecutor’s sense of superiority.

The Drama in Action: A Typical Relationship Argument

These roles become easiest to recognize in real-life interactions. Relationship arguments are perfect examples because partners can switch roles lightning-fast—often without noticing.

Let’s imagine Partner B forgot to take out the trash.

Start as Persecutor
Partner A says: “You always forget to take out the trash! I end up doing everything—you’re doing it wrong!” A steps into the Persecutor role.
Switch to Victim
Partner B initially reacts defensively, but as A continues (“I always have to handle the house!”), B says: “I’m sorry, I just can’t get to it right now—I’ve got too much going on.” Now B shifts into the Victim role.
→ Stable pattern: Persecutor (“You’re wrong”) + Victim (“I’m not good enough”).
From Persecutor to Rescuer
A feels guilty and switches, but stays “one up”: “I’m sorry things are tough right now. Can I help somehow?” A becomes the Rescuer, B remains the Victim.
→ New stable pattern.
From Victim to Persecutor
Eventually, B has had enough: “Wait—you attacked me about the trash even though you know how much I have going on!” Now B becomes the Persecutor.
The Circle Closes
A reacts: “You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I just get overwhelmed too…”
→ A steps into the Victim role again.

Do you see the pattern? The partners keep switching—Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor—but never leave the triangle. They’re never two adults solving a problem together; they remain stuck in the “one up / one down” dynamic.

The First Step: Recognize the Pattern

Seeing the pattern is already the beginning of freedom. Once you realize that what feels personal is actually structural—a role dynamic—you gain distance and choice. You can stop playing your part in the script.

But the deeper question remains: Why do these roles feel so attractive? Why do we stay stuck in them even when they hurt us?

We’ll explore that in Part 2 of this series—where we connect the Drama Triangle to the Polyvagal Theory, uncovering how our nervous system drives these survival roles and why understanding this biological layer is the key to transformation.